New AdWords Channel: Subliminal Advertising in iTunes

Google announced today that it was partnering with iTunes to provide subliminal advertising underneath iTunes songs and selected podcasts.

It is expected that the new advertising-supported model will allow Apple to significantly reduce the price of its songs and albums, perhaps even to zero. Apple Vice-President for Raking in the Bucks Erwin Snodgrass said at a press conference in Cupertino today, "The music industry has long known that consumers would rather steal mp3s than buy them. We’re hoping that the new price structure takes advantage of that pent-up demand while still providing Apple shareholders with the obscene returns to which they’ve become accustomed."

Google is beta testing the new AdWords channel with a select group of advertisers. Instead of placements and keywords, bidders can select genres (like new age psychedelic pop, classical, and Musak), decades (the 1730s, the 1950s, etc.), musicians (The Wombles, The Electric Staatskamer Boogie Boarders, The Beatles – oh, actually, not the Beatles, sorry, forgot about the lawsuit for a minute there), odds and ends (songs that begin with the letter Q, songs in which the singer dies of a broken heart, etc.), as well as specific songs ("The Wind Beneath My Wings," "Band on the Run," and "My Blue Heaven", for example).

Google applies strict relevancy standards, maintaining what marketers call "music to message match." Thus Springsteen songs will contain ads for beach houses on the New Jersey shore, bandanas, and Harleys. Pink Floyd tunes will feature ads for crystals and anti-depressants. And so on.

Advertisers will simply record their ads in standard mono or stereo format, and upload them via Google’s patented AdWords Subliminalizer interface, which increases the pitch beyond the point that even dogs can hear while amplifying the volume and adding hypnotic binaural beats. iPod users will not notice any difference, except for the uncontrollable drooling and occasional desire to refinance their loan and find out if they’re Johnny Depp.

Google thus continues its mission to subsidize everything humans want through relevant advertising.

Didn’t you know that you’re my hero, JetBlue?

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  1. #1 • Pete said on April 2 2009:

    For this week’s “Sign of the Apocolypse” just read this post about Google Adwords and subliminal advertising in iTunes.

    People used to refer to Microsoft and the New York Yankees as the “Evil Empire.” Google is working very hard to join that list.

    Wishing you health and happiness,


  2. #2 • Howie Jacobson said on April 2 2009:

    I should probably point out that this is a complete fabrication, inspired by the post date of April 1 and a glass of beat/carrot/ginger juice that went straight to my head.