From the “Loving What Is” and “Manipulating the Hell Out of Myself” departments:
My 30th HS reunion is on March 23. Despite the fact that I am a mostly enlightened being, with no trace of shallowness in my soul, I find myself wanting to look really good that night. Like, 10-pounds-lighter good.
My first response was to judge myself for having those needy, status-seeking thoughts.
And my second response was to judge myself for judging myself.
(For the sake of brevity, I’ll skip the recursive loop that continued for several days.)
But my 12,548th response was to simply accept that motivation as something alive in me at the moment.
And yes, I will be very happy to be at 168 instead of 178. For one thing, I tend to go jeans shopping when I’m at a very happy weight, so I’ll have a much more robust wardrobe. For another, my yoga side bends will have less of a shelf to rest on. And for a third, I’ll look better when I give talks on my new book about nutrition and diet!
So now I’m thinking, let’s use that shallow desire to impress people I haven’t seen in 30 years (and wasn’t particularly able to impress when we were together) as an engine, as leverage to get me to take better care of what goes into my mouth.
I intend to keep a daily food log, noting everything that goes into my mouth. Like time tracking, I’m hoping for insight and awareness at the moment of choice, and accountability with myself.
And great abs on March 23 ;)
Do you have motivations that you’re a little “ashamed of,” that are nevertheless in alignment with goals that are important to you? What do you do about them: repress them in order to be good, or ride them to higher purposes?